Growing Pains

Although I feel Summer's end closing in on me, the last two months have been jam-packed and well-spent seeing friends, working 'till I dropped, and finally learning Calculus the proper way - in a classroom. Undoubtedly, there have been growing pains for me, internally, since leaving my last rocky relationship, but it has gotten better. My ex is like a ghost. He likes to haunt me. And by that I mean not in my mind, but he actually makes repeated calls from unblocked numbers and writes heartfelt emails unable to be ignored. I even met with him once to give him closure - maybe for us both. Some couples can end on good terms. We tried and have many times, including the last episode. But for me, the memory of him includes not just the good times, but the horrible ones which have left discreet scars. And after repeated contact with him I start to feel the subliminal burn of those wounds. He blames me for not letting go of the past he put me through, and perhaps he's right. Our last exchange over the phone was beyond unpleasant. I hope he heard from my voice not just the petty words, but the pain - the pure agony that has resulted from the past year of keeping and trying to stifle those demons. Now it's time to let them go. I hope to God he leaves me be.

I made another difficult but good, gut decision to leave my job at Bevmo. It has been a fun and educational job, but I have more important and bigger things to move onto and pursue. For now, this Calculus class is the next step towards those goals. I might go on a date this Friday with a new guy I've been talking to, but my heart will stay focused and dedicated to the dreams I want and will accomplish.